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Wednesday, 2 November 2011

The Big P

I have a funny feeling in my stomach 24x7. Well minus the hours i spend sleeping in class(i got busted by my Advertising professor  and my Consumer Behavior professor in 2 consecutive lectures yesterday:P) but all that apart, I'm a PGDM student in my 3rd semester and the P in question is quite obviously...PLACEMENT.
I'm already tired of the free sweets distributed by the placed Finance guys. Trust me when i say, sweets never felt this bitter before. And the shine in the eyes of those bastards. The hint of sarcasm seems to transpire through the seemingly innocent laddoos. Every bit of it speaks out loud- "eat up boy, you still got no job".. Gives you shudders really.

I've started  appearing in hypothetical interviews in front of the mirror. I stop each time i feel i'm lying more than twice in the same sentence but there's no way i'm getting a job without lying.
You see a manager has to be responsible. My degree of responsibility falls on a negative scale of being even remotely close to the aforementioned word. I wash clothes a week after throwing them on the washroom floor. Mighty responsible eh? Exhibit2- I leave for college leaving my room open. I'd like to think my man management skills are good enough to handle a crisis situation. Truth be told, each time i've been through one of those, i nearly had blood on my hands.  The last time it happened, i was literally about to set a bike on fire and then kill it's owner.
Now the only question to which i got an apt answer is about my communication skill with incidents validating its uber  awesomeness. In my hypothetical mock interview, the big bad sly H.R. manager asks me about my convincing skills and i go- I'd give you two incidents  
1st.... My 1st year in college.Me and two other 1st year kids huddled, surrounded by at least 20 big burly seniors,super seniors,super duper seniors, super(god knows which batch) seniors, super( god knows college seniors) in my college campus, ready to beat the living shit outta us. Our mistake- fudging a super small bit of college money designated for the fest(which was Gujarati society black money anyways) and going out partying. The reasons the seniors would give us a big piece of their mind and a lot more? The money was for them to fudge..So it wasn't much of a fault rather a revolution. Coming off age of the 1st year kids. And I Sir, talked my way outta it. Without a single blow nor slap.
2nd... A drunken waste on the edge of a roof about to jump off blaming me for the calamity(which, had it happened,would have been a blessing really), at 3 in the morning. I talked the jerk out of it.

Had someone given such an answer to me, he would have been my star employee commanding the highest pay package and the least work. Would it work for real?? I'm not sure guys.. The answers can get me booked for fraud, misappropriation, felony, undue influence blah blah blah.. WTF? Im a nice guy really.. ask M..
All i know is that truth, as awesome as it is, will have to stay buried and the only hope of a decent interview is the traditional route.. lie from line one..CHEERS TO THAT..

P.S. The other P's that have held significance in my life this far are as follows(chronologically) -
1- Puberty
2- Pornography
3- Pink Floyd
4- Pot..:p

7 comments:

Meher said...

hahaha. You're so funny, and I'm not biased when I praise you.
Hope you like my sweets though. :)

Shweta Gulia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shweta Gulia said...

Though i wanted to like it.. but as expected u have spammed it with your 4 P's s***.. whatever.. N yes.. d bitter sweets thing... trust me.. U have stolen my words... :( N here i wanna tell u that they were not just bitter.. To me they tasted like some shitty thing like... ummm.. NONVEG (Spclly chicken!! ) :P

roma said...

kuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! hahahahahahhahhaha awesomnesss ! \m/

Sarathi said...

meher..thank you Miss M.Im waiting for them so bad..

Sarathi said...

Guliaaaaaa....4P's hahahaha...

Sarathi said...

romaranjita..Shukria shukria.. job dila do crc wale..