The wait

Faith is gone and innocence lost. As teary hours go by, moments seem like ages. As each minute comments remind a mind fucked ass of the past that used to be, he cant stop repenting. Feeling pity, for himself. Yes he lied. He cheated. Did the worst possible things known to mankind. He is your everyday asshole. but wait, he is not. He loved. Yes he did, like crazy. Still does. Every unslept hour of every unslept night dies in her thoughts. Sorry is a word that would not do it. Sorry is too sorry to even be a part of the discussion. With her gone, everything feels like a maze of stupidity. the times she called up to cuss were better. At least he got to hear her voice. God knows how relieved he would be..only if she calls. be it to cuss at him...what if..she calls..

WHAT IF

If only, I had another chance to show, Im not the lier she thinks I am. Im not as evil as I  seemingly come across. What if I had another go..at what I couldn't value for splits of mind fucked craziness..what if..I had it all back..what if,,I got another chance, to show her how much I love, How much I care... What if.....

Untitled again

If I were to speak of the things I've done
I'd only reinstate your words
And society, and all that is showing me a black eye
I'd bring in plain view, the psychopath in me

If i were to say the things I've thought about
I'd show you what insanity feels like
Like a drug that has figured you out all so pathetically
Like a continuous roll of drums that ceases to stop

A rotten old packet seems like such a trash to you and your civil society
They say I'm just an old sucker too sucked up to let it go
Truthfully, the truth is I'm still the dopehead that i was
Only this time i've blended it all together
The touch of your soft fingers, the sound  of your sweet voice, the sight of your ruffled hair
And the wind.. the fresh wind that comes from the ocean..Bringing with it the irresistible urge

Cause you are so obvious all over me
Your mixed perfume blended in so perfectly with my sweat
Your crazy hair in tidbits maybe in a couple of my clothes
Your lips, ever so tender, still on mine
The smell of your neck..the potency of which still forces me to sleep

Cause you're so obvious all over me
The touch of your breasts on my black chest
Pitch black
Throws in the hope of my vestige being revisited
Because
You're so obvious all over me

The human mind is the worst piece of creation ever. Think about it, would you buy a laptop if it shuts down or starts playing crappy music according to its own fancies? You own a body. Yours  that is. Do whatever you want to do with it, its yours anyways. Problem lies with the mind. If things go your way, your mind is the most obedient slave that you could ever have. Obliging you at every possible instant. The second it starts fucking up, damn, you're your own prey.

I've been listening to a lot of blues lately. I've had enough of alt rock. Grown out of it i guess. Someone told me Blues is defined as- A good man in bad times. Maybe its this line that made me such a sucker of it. Or maybe cause I love a clean guitar tone. Getting back to where I had started, the human mind. I've read a bit of Freud here and there. I don't see what exactly he tried to do with his in depth studies. He would have done a better job studying the male penis i guess. However there is this one epic quote I came across- Every man is a hero, in his dreams. Only if, dreams were under control, the humankind would have been a far happier lot I guess. I don't understand, what is the point of owning something, having it as a part of your being, which actually you have no control on. Falling prey to the outside world is okay. Its a battle in the end. Everyday is one. But falling prey to one's own self? Now that is sucky. Maybe someday I will have the answers. God willing, the day i do, I'll post it here but thing is, the day I will have the answers, I will be having no use of the knowledge. I'd already have made all the mistakes i could.

Even then, if You ever wonder the things I do, you will find the answers here. It may take a good few decades or a good bottle of whiskey, but the answer will definitely be here. Until then...Cheers..

Untitled 2

The storm has subsided. The waves have stopped crashing on the shores. The clouds have cleared. What lays in open view is a seemingly calm village with pretty looking exteriors. But the destruction is evident if you care to stop and see. Behind the laughter of every playful child is the wail of a scared mother. Too scared to let her child play. Too scared to let the kid out in the open. Cause innocence is lost in this village. Gone are the days when a smile was a smile and not a cover up for the jarred yesterday.

The gaping hollows remind the folk of the yesterdays that used to be. When she was there. When the sun used to shine with her singing out loud. In tune was she? Nobody knows. Nobody cared to judge. She was their blessing. She taught the town to laugh. To look at the exquisite beauty that laps up a scary wave as the others backed up for safety. She waived her skirt and danced to the tune of nature's fury.

They called her Blessing. They lived to her tune. Danced to her songs. Drunk to her joy. Cause grief, there was none. They were happy and so was Blessing till that very day.

The day that swept their pretty little life as far as the sea could. Blessing was gone. Too far away to even know the village was gutted. They hoped. They cried. They prayed. Innocence was gone. Swept as far as the sea could take. The children have learnt to smile again. A cover up, as they say, to keep the jarred yesterday at bay. Cause Innocence was gone.

Untitled- 1

The humour is lost. Or maybe it was never there. At times one needs a jolt I guess to put things back into perspective. Its been a while and suddenly i realise that all I was after was a transient dream of happiness. Intangible,yes. could never hold it nor feel it.transient dream cause it always provoked a smile of hope which was maybe never there.

A million times i've heard people complain about how people change. Well, why shouldn't they? Wouldn't you? Wouldn't everybody? Its ok.its fine. Its only natural to grow. I'm coming to the close of an era and I'd thought I'd come out a happy man cause I have it all sorted, cause i read through things, cause i am good at certain things and the rest are taken care of. I'm coming out of it either ways but with a lot many questions. Simple ones. But I'd already thought I had the answers. That I was proved wrong doesnt really matter. What matters is how could i not see through it all along. When your life's work falls apart, should it bother you that it fell apart? or should it nudge your mind bit by bit that why did you keep building on it?How could you not see that its going to fall apart anyways.....

Gandu-The loser

Whoever said that failure is the stepping stone to success hasn't really failed much. Had he, he wouldn't have given out a fancy one liner for something that disgraceful. Its always the successful people who get to point out the losers and reminisce about the time they were on the othr side too...whether or not they were, its a chic thing to say that- yo, im not an overnight success..I failed before I got this.
Now to know what a real failure is, you got to ask a real failure...A Gandu..Though Q made a mess of the much anticipated movie, it gives scope for retrospection..Am i one??? And one shouldn't be surprised if that evokes a positive reaction..A Gandu knows that hes just a big fucking Gandu.(and the "I" that should have been in caps two sentences back, wasnt a typo...gandus dont get the honour of writing about themselves in  caps).

Retrospection was done.Much of it was done and not surprisingly, he got a positive reaction too...and boom, so did somebody else. Was a vindication of sorts.But nonetheless, a Gandu..A big fucking one..